The Gilmore Book Club

In stories, it’s often the unseen that haunts us the most: shapes moving in the shadows, sudden shudders with no cause, and noises that seem to come from nowhere and no one.  But the unseen haunts us in real life too. Fear, doubt, rejection, and loneliness. Those are the things that keep us up at night. Those are the things that creep into what were once happy and hopeful thoughts and bewitch them so they turn to nightmares.

Most days, my mirror is simply a part of my daily routine. I stand before it as I wash my face, brush my teeth, apply makeup, and arrange my hair. Most days, it reflects the woman I know myself to be: strong, confident, kind, and loving. But there are a few days when I look in the mirror and am shocked by the reflection. For what I see is not the woman I am, but the monster I think I’ve become. To be clear- I am not suffering from some Kafkaesque Metamorphosis but rather from that inner voice, that one that haunts us all, that one that says, “You’re no good.”

I remind myself of the circumstances: I live by myself, my best friend lives in another state, I work for a very small company, I don’t like to hang out at bars like people my age, people are busy- and the list goes on. It’s all true, and it all accounts for the bouts of loneliness. But those don’t seem to matter. When the loneliness closes in, thoughts can be easily transformed from the rational to the fantastical. What have I done wrong? Why don’t people want to be around me? What do they see in me that is so horrible they can’t bear to be in my presence. What kind of monster have I become?

Victor Frankenstein, the man- not the name of the monster as is commonly thought, sets out to do the unthinkable: make life out of something dead. What he doesn’t see coming is the horror his success creates. Frankenstein succeeds at creating a being from a myriad of human parts, a being with a rather disturbing creation. But in his disgust for what he has done, Frankenstein abandons his creation.  Abandoned, ignored, and utterly lost, the being tries to find his place in the world, but is rejected at every turn. It’s that rejection that transforms the being into a monster.

We are all human. We all share the Earth as our home. We all experience moments of great sadness and joy throughout our lives. I’m not assuming anything about anyone, and if you’ve never experienced a lonely moment, then I’m happy for you and you’ve been incredibly blessed. But it’s far more likely that you have, that in some moment you’ve felt like there was no one who understood you, no one who loved you for who you are, or no one who stood by you when things were tough. It’s so easy for us to stay there, in that frame of mind that makes you think yourself a monster. If we know how terrible it is to feel like that, why then, is it so hard for us to reach out to one another? Why is it so hard for us to show kindness and friendship when our lives are going well- let alone support each other when life is hard? Why is it so hard for us to accept everyone as fellow human beings- not monsters?

Frankenstein choses to see the faults, to see the ugliness, to see the pain. Even after the being explains himself and expresses that his only desire is to have someone to share his life with, Victor chooses to turn away. And that choice led to the deaths of his loved ones and a life that is haunted by his mistakes until the day he dies.

We can choose to help. We can all reach out to those around us. I’m proud to say that I’ve connected with people who have just moved to the city. People have done that for me in the past when I’ve been new in town, and it’s was nice to know I had a friend in them. It can feel so isolating not to know anyone around you in a city full of people. I may not have become best friends with those I connected with, but I was there for them, to enjoy a nice meal or to grab a coffee, during those moments where they probably felt scared and alone. So reach out. Arrange to have lunch or just send a nice text. An “I’m thinking of you” or “Let’s get together soon” can make all the difference.

We can choose to be different. We can choose to accept, to love, and to reach out. We can choose friendship. For nothing chases away loneliness like hearing from a friend.

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